Do you ever have to interact with difficult people? Yeah, me too. Whether it’s challenging co-workers, family members, bosses, or friends, we all have relationships with difficult people. It’s inevitable and as Christians, we are called to love them. But how does God help us to love unloving people? Does that seem impossible? If so, here are 5 truths to help you learn how to love difficult people.
Jesus’ life is filled with examples of how to love difficult people who may seem hard to love. He dined with Zacchaeus the tax collector in his home, despite the grumbling of others in the town. He protected the adulterous woman from being stoned, pointing out everyone’s need to be saved from sin. Jesus taught the story of the Good Samaritan as an example to Jewish people at a time when Jews and Samaritans bitterly despised each other. Jesus prioritized loving people who were difficult, rejected, or outcasts. As followers of Jesus, we need to love them as well. To be honest, sometimes loving difficult people is...well...difficult! In those moments, we must remember five truths:
How Do You Deal with Difficult People?
Everyone is Created in the Image of God
So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. -Genesis 1:27
How does God help us to love unloving people? He helps us by reminding us that everyone is created in the image of God. Every person we encounter -- our barista, co-worker, boss, the guy who cut us off in traffic, the woman arguing about a 10¢ coupon in the checkout line (and the frustrated cashier) -- is created in the image of God.
Each person has unique strengths, purpose, and potential that were placed in them by God Himself. As we’re learning how to love difficult people, it’s helpful to remember that God knew them in their mother’s womb. He’s numbered the hairs on their head.
If you’re a parent, at some point you’ve marveled at your child’s face, admired their gifts, and cherished their uniqueness. God has created each of us with that love and care. When encountering a difficult person, remember they are created in the image of God. Ask God to help you see them through His eyes and with His plan and purpose for them.
Difficult People are Loved by God
How do you deal with difficult people? Remember that they are loved by God. Not only are we all created in God’s image, but we are all loved by Him. God knows us completely - every flaw, every sin, every fear - and loves us fully. He loves us without hesitation or condition. Loving people who are hard to love requires us to remember that they are loved by God.
In the same way, we need to love others as God loves us, without hesitation or condition. We are to love others - even difficult people, those we don’t agree with, and people who don’t seem to care. How to love difficult people requires that we choose to gather God’s perspective on difficult people around us.
But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. - Luke 6:35
As this verse says, we are to love (even our enemies!) without expecting anything in return.
How does God help us to love unloving people? We ask God for help! Loving people who are hard to love is impossible without asking God for help. Our humanness can’t love anyone as much as God. So, ask God to use you as a vessel for His love. Allow God to love others through you - not with your might, but with His love that can never run out.
Related Post: How Can I Love My Enemies?
Jesus Died for Hurting People
for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. -Romans 3:23-24
This how to deal with difficult people scripture reminds us of the power of Jesus’ sacrifice.; At one point, we were all hurting people who were in trouble. Without God’s grace and promise of forgiveness, we are all headed for a life of pain, guilt, and death. We’re all sinful people who cannot buy our forgiveness or earn our way to heaven. When we start loving difficult people, we are able to see more like Jesus. It is only through Jesus’ death on the cross that we are saved!
Once we recognize our own desperation for a savior, we are able to identify with those around us who are hurting and in need of rescue. Loving difficult people is easier when we remember that Jesus died for them too. We are all in need of Jesus coming to rescue us. Everyone we meet is someone Jesus died for.
Difficult People are Overburdened
Just about everyone you encounter throughout the day feels overburdened. As we’re learning how to love difficult people, it helps us to remember that difficult people are usually walking through a lot. Our lives are busy. We are increasingly distracted by technology and media. We’re under greater stress at work, with our finances, or in our parenting. All of these factors cause our relationships to grow more disconnected. As you discover how you deal with difficult people, scripture will empower you with empathy.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. -Matthew 11:28
Jesus came to lift our burdens and give us peace. What if, when we encounter a difficult person, we ask ourselves, “How can I help lift this person’s burden?”
By lifting their burdens, even slightly, you are showing God’s love. You’re telling them that they are seen, they’re understood, and that their burdens matter to you and God. As you start loving people who are hard to love, you take the focus off of yourself and place it on them and God. Imagine how that could make a difference in their day!
Challenging People are Under-Encouraged
God helps us to love unloving people by giving us his perspective. As we seek his vantage point, we see that difficult people are generally under-encouraged. Picture-perfect images bombard us on Instagram and Pinterest. Today’s culture is increasingly divisive, and our relationships strain under the pressure. We consistently feel we aren’t measuring up. Most people are under-encouraged and most people don’t feel like they’re measuring up either.
Imagine you’re a difficult person. You complain, argue, and disconnect from others. How often are you encouraged? What do you think would happen if that challenging person was not only seen but appreciated? Valued. Encouraged. Think of how it could soften their demeanor, lift their spirits, and add some hope in their life.
The next time you interact with a difficult person, find a way to encourage them and see what happens!
We are All Difficult People
The bottom line is, we are all difficult people. We all sin. We all have regrets in our relationships where we’ve hurt the other person.
If you stop to take inventory of yourself you’ll find that you’re a difficult person too.
The good news? You are a difficult person who is created in the image of God and loved exceedingly by Him. You’re a hurting person who Jesus died for. You are a challenging person who needs your burdens lifted by Jesus and could use some encouragement from those around you. We’re more alike than different, and we have some similar needs. Maybe that’s why Jesus said, “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
When scripture tells us how to deal with difficult people, more often than not it asks us to pray. So, spend some time today praying for the difficult people in your life. Ask God to help you see them through His eyes. Find ways to lift their burdens, encourage them, and watch what God can do through you.
How to Love Difficult People
Loving difficult people starts with us. We need to commit to loving our neighbors, even those who are our enemies. Through how to deal with difficult people scriptures and Bible verses for relationships that are complicated, you can grow in loving difficult people well.
You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? - Matthew 5:43-46
In this how to deal with difficult people scripture, Jesus shares that our love will set us apart from others in the world. It’s easy to love the people that are easy to love. Everyone does that! But loving people who are hard to love speaks volumes to those around us. We are demonstrating God’s abundant, unconditional love.
The focus isn’t necessarily on how to love difficult people specifically, but rather on how we can be so full of God’s love that it overflows to everyone around us. Everyone. Loving people who are hard to love has more to do with the condition of our hearts rather than the behavior of others.
Biblical and Spiritual Perspective
Wrapping our minds around how to love difficult people is easier when we understand the Biblical and spiritual reasons behind it. Because God is light and there is no darkness in Him at all (1 John 1:5), we know that His ways are the best. Let’s learn more about why God asks us to love difficult people.
What Does the Bible Say About Dealing With Difficult People?
Not only does the Bible have how to deal with difficult people scriptures, but it even has how to love your enemies scriptures! God commands us to love in all circumstances. Sometimes love looks like reconciliation, other times it looks like a boundary, and other times it looks like long-suffering in prayer to God. But, how does God help us to love unloving people?
He shows us by example. Without Jesus, we wouldn’t know how to deal with difficult people. Here are some of Jesus’ famous words about how to deal with difficult people in the scriptures:
“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” - Luke 6:27-28 NIV
This how to deal with difficult people scripture is intense. Jesus says we are to love our enemies and to do good to those who hate us. Way to set the bar high, Jesus! However, when we gain God’s perspective, we can see like him, love like him, and lean on him when it’s tough to love people who are hard to love.
You have heard the law that says the punishment must match the injury: ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’But I say, do not resist an evil person! If someone slaps you on the right cheek, offer the other cheek also. If you are sued in court and your shirt is taken from you, give your coat, too. If a soldier demands that you carry his gear for a mile, carry it two miles. - Matthew 5:38-41 NLT
This how to love difficult people scripture confronts the timeless phrase of, ‘an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.’ Jesus invites us into a lifestyle of loving difficult people by following his leadership as a servant of all.
Learn more about love, forgiveness, and how to love difficult people in our interview with Nicole Miller: Forgiving the Unforgivable
Bible Verses for Relationships That Are Complicated
It’s pretty safe to say that a lot of the relationships Jesus had were complicated. He befriended Judas, who would later betray Him. And if you think about it, because Jesus was fully God and fully man, he welcomed Judas into His inner circle when he knew exactly how Judas was going to hurt him. Let that settle in!
Other relationships, like his conversations with the Pharisees and Sadducees, were much different than his relationship with Judas. The Pharisees were zealous, ultra-religious Jews who wanted to make sure that everyone was following the 600+ laws in the Torah. The Sadducees were a very powerful group of Jews in Israel and they didn’t believe in the resurrection of the dead. Both the Pharisees and the Sadducees didn’t believe that Jesus was the Messiah.
So, they had a lot to disagree about! However, Jesus loved the Pharisees and the Sadducees dearly. He died on the cross for them too. Even though his conversations with them were tense sometimes, Jesus still paid the ultimate sacrifice and died for his enemies.
Learn more about what Jesus did for you: This is For You
How to Deal With Difficult People Scriptures
Whether you’re wondering how to have a difficult conversation with someone you love or you need help loving a co-worker who’s really difficult, here are some scriptures to help you grow.
Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. - Ephesians 5:1-2 NIV
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. - 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NIV
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV
How Do You Love the Difficult Person in Your Life?
Loving people who are hard to love requires practice and patience. Once you have determined in your heart to love everyone, there are some tangible ways to love people who are hard to love. Through reading Bible verses for relationships that are complicated and learning to follow the ways of Jesus, you will grow and stretch into someone who finds it easy to love difficult people. Keep reading for our key tools and takeaways for how to love difficult people.
Pray for Difficult People
It is impossible to daily lift someone up in prayer and still consider them an enemy. Commit to praying for the difficult person in your life, and see how your heart changes toward them.
Find Common Ground
Sometimes we don’t know how to love a difficult person because they seem so different from us. We cannot comprehend why they think, act, or believe the way they do. It can seem like an insurmountable divide.
But, we are all created in the image of God. We all have fallen short. We all have gifts, struggles, and desires. When we really look, we are more alike than different. We can always find some common ground to build from.
Focus on Love, Not Winning
You may have a score to settle, or an ongoing disagreement to win. Maybe your conflict has gone on for years.
Loving people who are hard to love isn’t about winning. It’s about love. Each time you leave an interaction, don’t ask, “Did I win?” Instead, ask yourself, “Did they feel loved by me and loved by God?”
Conclusion
Loving difficult people in our own strength is, you guessed it, difficult. But when we learn how to love difficult people with God’s strength, His love will overflow without restriction to those around us. God helps us to love difficult people by following his examples. Loving difficult people doesn’t have to wait till tomorrow, you can start today.
Related Post: How to Have Grace in Your Relationships
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